adulting:

This is a sad thing to post about, because show me someone who is seeking “closure” and I will show you someone who is not having a Happy Time. But that doesn’t make closure any more of a real thing that exists than, say, kind and gentle unicorns who think you are pretty and are eager to read your unpublished novel.

Because what you mean when you say “closure” is “magical verbal bullet that will make me not feel like shit, even though I’ve just been dumped.” And that, sadly, is not something that exists anywhere in this world.

Here is how you imagine a conversation that will provide “closure” would go:

You: Why did you break up with me?

Person That Broke Your Heart: Because you were too incredible, and way funnier than I am, and I felt like you could fly ever higher once you weren’t weighed down by me. I loved you so much that it felt selfish to spend one more second with you, because you have already brought me five lifetimes’ worth of joy.

You: Oh. Well, when you put it that way. 

But if someone were going to be honest about the reasons they broke up with you, here’s how a “closure” conversation would go:

You: Why did you break up with me?

PTBYH: Because I knew I couldn’t stand a lifetime of that humming noise you make when you chew, and I’m tired of having sex with you and want to have sex with other people — people who aren’t you, and who don’t make that humming noise. Also, my mom doesn’t like you.

You: Oh. Well, when you put it that way. 

And really, his or her reasons can probably not be verbalized. Think about the last time you broke up with someone without obvious cause (i.e., cheating, substance abuse, etc.) If that person demanded an explanation, could you give one? And would you want to give one? No and no.

So wait for closure if you wish, but you will save yourself a good deal of time and angst by accepting that it doesn’t matter why it didn’t work, only that it didn’t work. Some things will eventually close. Some things will never quite close. In the meantime, all you can focus on is moving forward.