Thanks to an anti-obesity law passed last year, Japanese salarymen across the nation are pulling up their shirts to have their guts measured… and if they’re overweight, they face consequences. If you’re male and your waist is over 33.5 inches, you’re considered fat. If you’re female, the…
Peter Cullen is best known as the voice of the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime! However, he has also leant his speech talents to Pooh’s donkey friend Eeyore since 1989. In an uncredited role, Cullen was also the original voice of the Predator from the film by the same name! (source)
“Grant me, O Lord my God, a mind to know you, a heart to seek you, wisdom to find you, conduct pleasing to you, faithful perseverance in waiting for you, and a hope of finally embracing you. Amen.”—Thomas Aquinas (via silent-storm)
‘Father, it feels as if I’m in an impossible situation with no way out. I need to feel Your presence, the encouragement of Your Spirit, and to be reminded that with You all things are possible. Bring the answers of heaven to my earthly situation. Touch it with Your grace. On the outside things…
But the only way to truly be free is to give that up, to give up that free will in exchange for God’s will in control of our lives. The only way to be free is to give up our God-given right to a free will.
I dreamed that I saw you in a field...and the field became my bedroom...and you were standing by my bed holding a big knife. Then suddenly you stabbed yourself in the chest with it...and... I woke up, and I knew you were the man... I'd been waiting for my whole life.
Bathrooms: Always accompany guests to the bathroom It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare. Doors: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is open, it is not necessary to use it. After you have “ordered” and “outside” door to be opened, stand halfway in and out, think about several things—this is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow or mosquito weather.
Chairs and Rugs: If you have to throw up, get to a chair or bed quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is none, any quality carpeting is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a human’s bare foot.
Hampering: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called “helping,” or “hampering”. These are the rules for hampering:
1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on then picked up and comforted.
2. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the bookshelf.
3. For paperwork, lie on the paper in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible. Pretend to doze, but occasionally reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
4. For people paying bills, working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind theaim—to hamper!
First, sit on the paper being worked on, then when you get dislodged,watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. When being removed for the second time, make all four legs flail around wildly in order to push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table.
5. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper—humans love surprises.
6. When a human is working at the computer, jump at the desk, walk across the keyboard, bat at the mouse pointer on the screen and then lay in the human’s lap, across arms if possible to hamper the typing in progress.
Walking: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on the stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark or when they get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
Bedtime: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she doesn’t move around too much.
Litter Box: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love to feel kitty litter between their toes.
Hiding: Every now and then, hide in a place where humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love), thinking you’ve run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
One Last Thought: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, then turn around and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often, and don’t forget guests.
I MUST BE A CAT.
My cat must have seen this because she follows EVERY one of these rules. :”)